You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
