that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
