Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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