hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
