I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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