help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
