I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
