Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
In America we eat man semen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
