When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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