I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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