I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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