Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
