This house was built for laser tag.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
