really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
