At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
