Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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