We're like a lot better than the average bears
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
