ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
