I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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