I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
