There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
