It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
