She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
