3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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