Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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