i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
