I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
