Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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