I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
