I wanna bring you to show and tell
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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