Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
