There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
