I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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