Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
