First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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