Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
