Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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