I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
