If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
