Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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