They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
