My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
