kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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