just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
