And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
