I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
