As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She's the barista slut.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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