Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
