Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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