It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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