I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
