I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
