I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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